I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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