Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
