Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
