I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dick very happy bro
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
