Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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