he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
