Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Couch. On fire.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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