i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
