i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is my gift to your gina
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
third nipple confirmed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
