yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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