and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
