shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
