What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
