sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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