so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
