I am puke
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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