that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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