i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
