come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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