You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
