last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
