i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
