I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
