Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
