At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's the barista slut.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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