Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
