walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
