if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
