i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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