I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
