please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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