I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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