Got a toothbrush?
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
