I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
