Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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