I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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