You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my liver is dry heaving
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
