look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
