YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm always down for nudity.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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