she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
