My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
