True but thats because hes a fetus.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
