ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
