Dual....:-)
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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