Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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