He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your penis caused this!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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