Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I look better un-naked...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
