shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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