my mouth tastes like poor choices
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
