i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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