It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
