Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
