Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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