Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
