This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
