Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
