First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I believe in your delicious
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
