I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
