just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
