He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize