Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
