i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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