i permit you to call me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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