I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
