actually, I'm a sock model
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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