Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
