I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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