that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
