he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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