on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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