Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
