We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
