im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
