imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
