I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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