The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
