Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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