Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
