Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
