We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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