I'm gonna have a badass scar
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
