i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
