I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
