My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
