Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When are your genitals available?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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